Sometimes the truth about life isn't all sunshine and roses!!!!

I started this blog for my posterity so that my children and their children and their children's children and so on would be able to see a window into what my life was like. I plan to publish it in hard copy when I have enough pages and keep them in a safe place for the future generations to read , enjoy and learn from. For this purpose I feel it is good to highlight some of the parts of life that are frustrating and challenging for me. I liked in conference this year that a few of the apostles talked about how their wives never complained( I do aspire to get to this point one day in my life, really I do) but I find that really incredible and almost more than I can comprehend at this juncture. It is not that I feel complaining is such a productive thing but I do think that when we voice our frustrations and walk through them, visit them with wonderment, if you like, we give ourselves a voice and we are able to see what those "complaints" were and build on resolving them, working through them or accepting them. I think it is a perfectly healthy outlet if we take the chance to see the bigger picture and , frankly, it can save us the heartache of "going postal"(If you catch my drift?) and exploding at any given moment like a time bomb waiting to go off!

So, with that I have a few things to say about children, in general...well, my children, really. Why is it that after taking careful measures to teach and train a child to simply put a new roll of toilet paper on after the old one runs out and not just set the new one on the floor for the "toilet paper fairy" to replace and leave the old one hanging on for dear life(lifeless as it may be) is so difficult???? Would it be too much to ask for the children and people in my family to put all of their shoes in one general location every time they remove them, so when they need the shoes it doesn't take 15 minutes of searching with everyone waiting in the car, car running, making us all late for an appointment and making mom very frustrated????? Also, the front porch, garage, back patio and various other sundry places become a shoe dump....not very decorative!!! Who's responsible for giving a 7 and a half year old the idea to cut off the front of his hair with dad's electric razor..leave all the cut hair right there on the floor(as if I wouldn't notice this?) and then smear hair gel all over the counter and sink??? ( I should have a picture of this but Robert has "misplaced" the camera after he didn't take any video of the kids snowboarding this last Saturday..JOY!!!) Exactly how many times do you think one needs to remind a child(not just one child but all 4) to hang up their backpack on the same hook it has been hung up on everyday since school started 6 months ago?? Why do others in the family become upset when they can't find the cords to plug in the DVD player(that were there just a week ago and should have remained there for the duration of the life of the DVD/TV) when they themselves moved the thing so they could"watch a movie under the covers in their room???? If they would have just left well enough alone we could all enjoy the benefits of watching a movie together in the living room..not so anymore(like I need to make another trip into town and spend more money buying another cord for this purpose...oh I forgot I have limitless amounts of time and money grows on trees..that's right! Gas if free too right??)

I'm not angry...no not at all...really....seriously.

Here's one for you..the greatest mystery of all...How come I can spend all morning(or evening) vacuuming and mopping downstairs(pick up an entire dust pan full of dirt and wrappers and YUK) and wake up in the morning and it looks like I haven't even touch the floors in a week...I have been to other people's houses and this is not a problem they suffer with...I know "Take your shoes off right???Ya right! I have tried and for some reason I think our floors produce dirt(maybe even grow the stuff??) or something...I think it seeps up in the grout and sprouts while we are sleeping...I know it!!! Maybe little elves come in and bring baskets of the stuff with them to casually throw here and there like a flower girl tosses petals down a wedding isle. One would go crazy if you had to sweep and mop every single day in order to keep it clean wouldn't you??? How about those dishes??? Just today I came home from work did all the dishes, wiped the counters down, washed the table, swept, mopped and went upstairs to check emails and blogs and such then went back downstairs and WHAT IN TH WORLD IS THIS???????? Crumbs everywhere,dishes in the sink, mud tracked down the hall, wrappers on the floor, papers from school on the table all after returning home an hour before this from eating pizza with the kids(4 slices each at least, they really shoudln't have a need for more food right???)....there's more but I am reeling far too much at this point....I want to just give up and see what happens...utter pandemonium would result I am sure of it. I can't sit down and enjoy the clean house for even a moment if I want it to stay that way(Don't anyone dare tell me to relax and let some of it go...I have let plenty go , let me tell you!!!) I enjoy the clean, tidy fresh peace that comes from a house in order(much like being in the Temple...total order and cleanliness) I think that Heaven will be just the perfect place for a mind like mine...totally clean and perfect!!! AHHHHHH!!! Calgon take me away!

Okay...don't get me wrong here...I truly love raising children and they are the biggest joy in my life. I make it sound as if I hate them...not so at all. I am an only child who lived her entire 22 first years by herself with tons of alone time and not a soul infringing on my orderly and clean world(except for my smoker parents who , thank goodness, quit 12 years ago...go mom and dad!!!Which, by the way I have nightmares they have started smoking again and wake up with sweat pouring off my forehead and my heart racing like I just sprinted to the mailbox...so don't even think of starting again mom or dad!!! I mean it!!!). I find it hard to "relax" at all and really spend quality time to myself without the worry that this house will decay beneath my very feet. Don't read too much into this here... but I do spend days just laying in bed watching movies all day...only because I shut down from sheer exhaustion and being too overwhelmed with the chores that I will have to face down the road and the projects left to be completed...it's more like melt-down than relaxation time for this obsessive compulsive, anal retentive, neat freak here.

Now that I have burned off some steam and recorded for history a small portion of my chaotic and never ending, dull-drum, get it done and get on with it, do I have to do this everyday, why don't I have a maid???, how do you teach kids to do that??? Why are they growing up so fast but why can't they do this???? Need to enjoy and learn every minute....BREATH.... Will my house ever be clean again and stay that way for more than 10 seconds???? Totally awesome and CRAZY...BUSY....Time is spiraling out of control...where DOES the time go??? Have to have it ...Want to be happy in the moment...Will it matter a hundred years from now(got that from my grandma) ???Life!

The end :)

PS I feel SO much better now...thanks!